There's a country-western music group out of west Texas called "Sons of the Desert." They have a song titled "Leaving October Behind."
I really enjoy the thought of that. October is almost over, November almost here.
November means there's only 6 weeks left in this year of firsts. But to turn that corner into the new month means facing yet another landmark date.
One more significant calendar page to be gotten through.
One more "first _______ since Mom passed away" date.
And this one's gonna be a killer, I think.
I remember last winter, thinking how it sucked that she died in mid-December. The day before my birthday, 2 weeks before Christmas, 3 weeks before her birthday. My good friend V, who was a rock for me to lean on, even while dealing with grief in her own life, reflected that I was getting slammed with "firsts," but that maybe it was good to get them out of the way all at once. And I think it was, in a way. I was still numb for a lot of that time-frame, as well.
There have been other firsts, this year, but I was too self-absorbed to consider them. My siblings have all passed their "First birthday without Mom." I was about to say that I've yet to experience that, but I was the first of us to experience it. I was just too numb to feel it.
I spent my 43rd birthday in my truck, driving from Georgia to Ohio in order to be home for the funeral.
This weekend, though, is the killer date. It's probably the worst date since Dec 12, when she died.
If she were still with us, this weekend is when she and Dad would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.
It's so amazing, in today's society for a marriage to last 50 years. It's even more amazing, to me, when you consider that it almost ended 28 years ago, when my dad had a stroke. It's truly only by the grace of God that he is still with us, but that deserves a post of its own.
I've been pondering since late September what to do for my dad this year, as their anniversary approached. Before I was laid off, I had big plans for how I would help them celebrate their jubilee. Now, however, I didn't even consider going home, because I had no money to spare for the trip. So I was planning to send my dad a "thinking of you" card. Until today.
I was driving to campus today for my evening class, and heard a song on the radio that made me think of my folks and their anniversary. And I was suddenly overwhelmed with missing her, and almost in tears at the thought of their not-anniversary. It just keeps feeling like they were cheated, somehow. They stayed together, through trials that would have destroyed other marriages, and just before they could grab the golden ring, it was ripped from their outstretched fingers. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that they really had more than 50 years together, the fact remains that they were only married for 49.
So I was listening to the song, and thinking about Mom, and then about Dad, and realized that it's time for me to go home again, even if it's only for a very short visit. It just happens that my school has a 4-day weekend this week, so my Thursday night class is cancelled. And it just happens that I've been getting in some extra hours at work, so my paycheck will be larger than normal, so I'll still be able to pay my rent, even if I do drive up to see my dad. So I'm going. The decision was almost that simple.
I called my aunt, and she'll be home this weekend and her guest room is open for me, and so I'm heading north on Wed., to surprise my dad.
I think he'll like that. I know I will.
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