Yesterday....

...all my troubles seemed so far away...

also known as: 

Be careful of your words, for one day you might have to eat them.

So goes the old saying. But who knew that "one day" would arrive so quickly?

Just yesterday, I was reading my friend Shannon's blog, about her checkbook problems, and feeling safe and secure in my own finances as I answered her with a wonderful, true story of a time in my life when God provided for me, beyond all expectation.   It was a good response to her, and it was easy for me to make, because I knew my paycheck would be in my mailbox on Monday, with another one arriving before my rent comes due in Dec.

That was yesterday.

Today, I found out that the reason my last paycheck was so delightfully large wasn't because of all the hours I had been putting in, but rather it was because my boss included this pay period in my last paycheck.  So there is no paycheck arriving in my mailbox tomorrow, and the one that's projected to arrive by the end of the month will be insufficient to pay my rent.  *sigh*

I wish I would have waited to figure all that out until after I had eaten my dinner, because my appetite disappeared with the realization.

So I put my dinner in the fridge, and curled up on the couch with the little dog, to see if petting a dog really *does* lower one's blood pressure.  Watched my britcoms, and managed to fight down the sick feeling for a wee bit.

It's back now, of course,  but not as strongly as it was at first.  My brain is somewhat functional, so I can figure out my options.  And I think my first task is going to be to make a list of all the times that God has been faithful. I need something concrete that I can point to, to use as ammunition for the panic in my gut, to beat it back down.

The God who loves me has a plan for me, and just because I don't know what it is doesn't mean that things are not proceeding according to plan. 

If He's been trying to vanquish my pride, I think he might have managed it this time.  I've gotten through almost 2 years of unemployment without having to ask anyone for help, other than God.  I'm thinking I need to swallow my pride and write my dad, and ask him if he can send me some money for this month and next.
I've never in my life asked my family for money. There have been times when I asked Mom to buy me something that I needed, but I always paid her back.  That was usually related to getting ready for a new position in my life, such as getting stuff together before going off to Basic Training.   I've never asked for money to be able to meet my monthly obligations.  I've never had to, before.  Usually I'm the one sending money to others.

Last year, out of a clear blue sky,  I opened a letter from mom and there was a check in it.  She said that she really felt like God was telling her to send it to me, and that she would be sending it for as long as she could.  In Nov, she sent me a check with a note that said she wouldn't be sending any more until after the holidays. Then in Dec, her Christmas card had a check in it, because (she said) she realized that she could swing it for one more month. She said she would pick it up again in Feb or Mar, after she had the holidays paid off.

Instead, my dad spent the next 6 months after Christmas paying off her funeral, and the lawyer.  Now he's trying to build up his savings, and pay off his truck (the only debt he has, so far as I know).   I hate the thought of asking him to send any of that money my way.  I should be able to do this on my own, with God's help.

There's a lesson in here for me, somewhere.  Whether it's a lesson about pride, or about God's faithfulness, I don't know yet.

I *do* know that in the past, every time things have looked the absolute darkest, the next day has brought a bright beam of sunshine and a huge ray of hope.

So I'm *really* hoping that tomorrow I'll need to wear sunglasses. But right now, it's hard to see that possibility.  *sigh*

Comments

[shannonblogs]

I HEAR you! You know I do. And I think you pegged it; the lesson is about both God's faithfulness AND your pride. During this time in our lives, I am marvelling at how many people God moved to give to us. Our own son, newly married and his wife paid our rent for the month of September. They have so many needs, but God told them to pay our rent. So, they did. It was a lesson for them, and for us. His provision. Our pride.

That's when I put that donation button up on my blog (which will come down soon). And someone I never knew sent us money. She and I became friends. My brother and his wife, who just had their first baby sent us money during a time when it seemed like we were going to go under, last week! I look back over the past couple of months and I marvel at how God has supplied our needs.

So do this, do NOT give into depression. DO NOT despair. Lookup passages about provision, and about blessing. Find the verse about "whatever has been stolen will be returned back to you multiplied." Find those Scriptures that speak to your situation, and speak them out loud and call on the blessings that are yours as a child of the King. It is both scary and wonderful at the same time.

Keep in mind, too, that you're not alone. I am praying and so are others whom God has moved to do so.

Oh, and after I just read all this to my husband, he suggested that you set up a button on your blog that your readers can donate money to help you out right now.

[fiwit]

You read this to Hubby? Ulp! Does that mean I can say that I have 2 readers, now? LOL (Hi, hubby!)

First, thanks for your prayers, and the encouragement, as well as the reminders/ideas on how to stand through this.

About the donate button.... I'm taking it under advisement... thanks for the idea. I guess if nothing else, it would let me know if anyone's reading this, right?