Dear Mom...

Just thought you'd like to know what's going on, or gone on, in this past year since you went away.  We're all doing ok -- oh, the kids still fight, and the sister still acts like grandma, and can't see it in herself, but overall, we're ok.  The nephew has a new wife with ready-made family, and seems to be settling down well, which is a relief. This time last year, he was just out of jail, and not sure he'd be able to jump through all the hoops that were necessary for him to stay out.

There's a new grand-baby..Dylan Hunter.  Based on his pictures, he's a cutie. He was born in early Nov.   All the grandkids are boys, except for the girls in the nephew's ready-made family. They're good kids, too, Mom... you'd have enjoyed getting to know them.

I met Tom's daughter last year - took her out to eat, and the most beautiful thing she said to me about you was that she was almost grown up before she knew you weren't her real grandma. You always had such a way of accepting people into your family, and treating them like your own. I hope that I've inherited that ability from you... it's one of the things I've always loved about you.

I had an interesting year... some ups, some downs, but overall a good year.  And while this past year started out kinda crappy, with you leaving us and all, it's ending up on a wonderfully good note, as I've finally landed a job.  It's been almost 2 years since I was laid off - in fact, my start date will be just 10 days shy of my end date from my last job.  But that break gave me the time and the freedom I needed to start grad school, for one. We both know i'd have kept putting it off if I were working. Now I'm almost halfway through, so it'll be easy to keep myself motivated to finish it, even if I drop down to one class per semester. AND.. .the new job offers tuition reimbursement, so I shouldn't have to take out any more student loans after this year.

I went home to see Dad for y'alls anniversary - tried to surprise him, but he said he had a hunch I'd be home. I never could fool him (or you), no matter how hard I tried.

Since I know I'll be working in January,  I went ahead and bought a plane ticket, and called Dad to tell him that I'll be home for Christmas. I hadn't thought I could afford the trip, but if I'll be working, it'll be ok.   I tried to sing "I'll be home for christmas" to him over the phone, but I got kinda choked up, and could only sing the first line. He sounded like he was kinda choked up, too.  I told him I'd call him again on the 13th, so he could tell me happy birthday. LOL

He's doing good, Mom. He missed you terribly, of course. And this morning, before I woke up, I was dreaming that I called him today, and he wasn't able to talk because he was crying, remembering this day last year and missing you.  I don't know if he'll cry today or not, but I know that he's doing a better job of expressing his emotions than he used to, and I hope that he does let himself cry, if that's what he needs.

Last year, Jo & I bought him a golden chain, and gave it to him on Christmas, so he can wear your ring around his neck.  Jo said I should have the Mother's brooch that we made you, so it's here with me. Kristy will get it next, since she's the only girl in the line.

We didn't know who you were making that last afghan for, so Jo said I could have it if I wanted it. We found another one to give Ken for Christmas, cause he was the only kid who didn't have an afghan that you had made.  Your afghan looks really good in my livingroom, and when I show it off, folks are always impressed. I dont think most folks knew that it was possible to knit the log cabin quilt pattern. 

When I was home at Hallowe'en, I brought back all the pictures and photo albums. I'm going to sort and organize them, and copy some of them for the other kids.  I guess since you're gone, I've become the family historian.k

I would write more, but I need to clean the kitchen so I can start baking christmas cookies and such. I bought myself a kitchenaid mixer for my birthday, so I can finally make big batches of cookies without killing my mixer. I'm giving cookies and fudge for christmas gifts this year. And I promised a friend I'd send her some banana bread for her new home, so I'm gonna make that today, too.

And a friend is gonna take me out to lunch or dinner to celebrate my birthday and my new job. I didn't think you'd mind if I took some time out of my rememberance day to affirm that life goes on, and to celebrate the beginning of new things. 

I miss you, Mom. I wanted so much to be able to call you during this whole job interview process, and to let you know that they hired me, so you wouldn't worry about me. But then again, where you are now, you already know that I'm ok, and gonna be ok. And you were probably watching the entire interview process, and busting your buttons from pride in your little girl. 

Do me a favor?  If you're able, can you visit the kids and grandkids today, and your sister, and Dad, and let them know that you're doing ok, and that you love them with a love that will never die, and that Jesus is taking good care of you?  Well, you don't have to visit me, cause I already know that stuff, and you're with me every day anyway, as I think  about you, or remember stuff, or see something I know would interest you.  But I know the others are probably hurting some, even though we don't normally acknowledge emotions like that.

Merry Christmas, Mom.

I love you.

Comments

[shannonblogs]

I've stayed away from your blog way too long. I think I was in a cloud for awhile here in my temporary settings. And I was afraid to feel what you were feeling over the anniversary of your mom's death. But I'm glad to be back, having read through what I missed. Of course I loved what you wrote.

I read this entry as if I were your mom reading it and it was my daugher writing it. It was perfect, just what I would want to hear. It touched my heart and made me smile and gave me peace.