(originally written last year about this time)
(updated to correct misinformation about my sister, on Mar 14, 2005. Sorry, sis!)
January 4, 1930.... a cold wintry ohio day, I'm sure... a baby girl was born to an alcoholic mother and a coal-miner father. The first of 3, she had a hard life, and never felt loved by her mother. She spent her entire life looking for her mommy's approval. Her father died of TB.
In this woman's veins ran the blood of Charlemagne, as well as of her circuit-riding great-grandfather, who had the honor of guarding Lincoln's body when it lay in state in Columbus, on its way to burial in Illinois. But her childhood belied her heritage, and she left home at 18, a high-school dropout.
Her early years shaped her perspectives on life, as they tend to do, but they did not trap her. She rose above the poverty, and the alcohol, and the abuse. They shaped her, but they did not define her. (to get an idea of her early years, watch the movie "Coal Miner's Daughter" - I took Mom to see that, and she said it was like watching her childhood)
She had the strength to leave her first husband, when he decided she made a good punching bag, and when she wound up pregnant from her live-in boyfriend, she was perfectly willing to raise the child on her own, without remarrying. Her boyfriend's wishes won out, however, and mom and dad were married in Oct of 1954, with my brother being born the following March.
She had six pregnancies in as many years, with four children surviving to adulthood (one miscarriage, one crib death). As has been said elsewhere, all of her children graduated high school, and all of them knew that Mom would be there for them if they needed her.
Her oldest daughter got married in the same year that dad had his stroke. Pregnancy followed shortly after, and so Mom was dealing with her concerns about dad's health at the same time she was dealing with becoming a grandmother. Dad is still going strong, almost 30 years after he was supposed to have died, and that first grandson is 26 years old now, and starting a program at a local technical college.
She did not have an easy life, but she would not have expected life to be easy. In an era of two-parent families, she was an ersatz single mother, because Dad was a truck driver, and on the road 70 hours a week (or more). Even so, she was present in our lives, leading our scout troops, walking us to church every sunday, and walking my brother to high school when he kept trying to play hooky.
She survived more than I've even experienced, and more than I want to experience. She kept going through things that would have lead many folks to just sit down and give up.
If I can become one-half the woman she was, with one-fourth the strength, I will consider myself lucky.
Dec 12, 2003. A cold wintry Ohio night, I'm sure.
She settled herself to sleep in her recliner (she could breathe easier there than in bed - something about smoking for 50+ years), and fell asleep. When she woke up, she was no longer in any pain from arthritis, and didn't have to cough and choke all the crap out of her lungs in order to breathe. When dad found her, he thought she was sleeping, because she looked peaceful, with a half-smile on her face. So he let her sleep, until he realized it was almost noon and she'd not gotten up yet. As he went to wake her, he realized that she wouldn't wake up here, ever again.
I find very little comfort, right now, in the knowledge that she knew how highly I regarded her, and how proud I was of her. I'd give anything to have her back again, so I could call her today and sing happy birthday to her just one more time.
Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday dear mommy,
happy birthday to you.
I love you, mommy. thanks for being who you were, and helping make me who I am.
I was married before I got pregnant therefore I didn't follow the family trandition. And I got married in 1976 which was after dads stoke.If my son was born in may of 1977 and I got married in Aug of 76. How could I be pregnant before I got married.Mary has some of her facts wrong, but thats ok.Its how Mary remembers it.
Posted by: Joanne Blanton | Monday, March 14, 2005 at 05:33 PM
You know what? You're right (duh. Of course you're right - it's your life we're talking about).
I got you mixed up with a cousin who used the following phrase to tell me about his engagement: "We did it the old-fashioned way - she's pregnant."
Am correcting the entry as soon as I post this comment. Sorry for the misinformation.
Posted by: fiwit | Monday, March 14, 2005 at 08:17 PM