Inevitability

I'm thinking that some things are inevitable as we get older.    Like the white hairs that are sprinkled across my head (only sprinkled, not frosted yet), or the reading glasses that are now almost always necessary for me, or the multiple re-exams due to abnormal test results.

Yeah.  Multiple re-exams due to abnormal test results. That's what I said. 

This time, it was the mammogram.  I meant to get my baseline done back in 2000, about the time a friend of mine was having multiple exams done due to her abnormalities.  But life got in the way of my good intentions, as it so often does, and thus I found myself going earlier this month for my baseline.

Baseline mammo's are important, and early baselines even more so, I would think.  In my friend's case, her doc's suggestion that she not wait until she was 40 meant that they caught her cancer at the earliest stage they'd ever been able to catch it.  Her doc's suggestion, and her compliance,  most likely saved her life.

In my case, had I done the baseline 5 years ago when I was first thinking about it,  they'd have had something to refer back to, and they'd have known whether what they were seeing was anything to worry about, or not.  But there was nothing for them to compare, other than my vague memories of having had a "peach pit" removed from my right breast about 20 years ago (forget the exact date - either 1984 or 1985), that turned out to just be fibrocystic (even though it wasn't a cyst).

So they called me back after they read the first mammogram, and said "Hey, let's do a diagnostic screening."  So I went, changed into an oversized blue choir robe,  and let them smash me flatter than they had the first time. I even seem to recall someone who sounded very much like me telling Priscilla, the technician - "It's ok if you want to crank that another half-turn, if it will give you a better picture."

Maybe that's why this week, for the first time in my memory, my breasts were tremendously sore before I started my cycle. Or maybe not.

Anyway, they took the diagnostic pics,  let the radiologist read them, and decided they wanted an ultrasound as well.  So they bundled me off to Nancy the radiologist for moving pictures.   It amazes me what people can see on ultrasound pictures - I know some ppl swear you can see babies with them, but I can't tell what I'm looking at.

Except on these ones.  I could clearly see the lumps on these ones, and they looked pretty good-sized, to me.

She eventually finished, and I sat there and waited while she took them to show the radiologist. Then I got to meet the radiologist, who showed me the pics, and talked about what it meant.

The upshot was, that since we didn't have 5 years of mammo's to look back on and see what was up, we were going to have to create 5 years of documentation on what we saw in front of us.

What did we see? 

Lumps.  Four lumps in one breast, one in the other.  Yuck.

Of course, I *do* have a history of fibrocystic, so it's very possible that these are just little clumps of tissue that decided to hang together instead of hanging separately.  They were slightly bothered because they were nodal, not cystic.  So they wanted me to come back for an ultrasound core biopsy.   

She explained the procedure to me...  something about sticking a needle in my breast, and taking core samples (think oil drilling) of one lump from each breast, which would then be sent to the lab and examined. 

Sure, I can do that.  Can we do it today?   No, they'd have to bring me back.   Go sit in the lounge, and someone will get you and schedule it.

So I sat in the patient lounge, after changing out of my over-size blue robe, and waited. I read bits and pieces of various magazines, and watched the clock on the wall move on inexorably towards lunchtime.

Lunchtime!

And I'd been here since 8am?

With no breakfast?!?!? 

Aack!!!! 

Priscilla escorted another patient back to the lounge, and I jumped - "Hey, Priscilla, can you find out if I was forgotten?"  She promised she would, and I settled back to wait some more.

In about 5 more minutes, someone came in, apologizing profusely.  Apparently I fell through the cracks - oops.  We went into the consult room, and talked about the biopsy procedure, how much time was needed, and what my schedule looked like.  And the challenges began. 

I'm moving back into the travel phase of my schedule, and when I'm not traveling, I'll be teaching here in town.  So I told her... "I can do it the week of April 22."  (that would be this week)

She didn't know if they had back to back appointments available.  I gently explained that if they didn't, it would be at least a month before I could get in.  She found an appointment slot for me. :)

Friday, April 29.  Be there at 915 for a 10am appointment. OK, I can do that, and it was only 7 days away.

Only 7 days to wonder what the lumps were, and if my old "friend" fibrocystic was indeed kicking up again, or if it were more sinister.  Seven days to remind myself that they hadn't seemed too worried, and talked like it was all just a normal, precautionary procedure.  Seven days to censor my words before speaking, because it seemed like I wanted to preface every conversation with "I'm having a breast biopsy next week..."

I called my friend B, the cancer survivor. She understood about waiting, and uncertainty. We talked about the process, and what questions I could ask, and what options I had if we had bad results.

I called my friend in TX, and asked her to pray for me, and to have her folks pray for me, but to not make a big deal out of it.  "Let's wait and see what they find out," I said. "It's normal, anymore, to just be super-cautious, and that may be all this is."

And I settled down to wait.   (continued in Part 2)

Comments

[NOTR]

My spouse & I have been thru that twice now. She is always the trooper, I am the wuss about what they are doing to my gal. We have come thru "clear" each time. You have "probability" on your side. After this is all over, you need to go out and buy yourself a red hat!

[fiwit]

I'm not *that* old yet! :)

I'm not worried about it, I just got tired of typing, so the update on how it went today (it went well) will most likely show up tomorrow.

Thanks for the reassurance. :)

[shannonblogs]

So, what was the result? I've been "away" from your blog for so long and a little alarmed to read this entry and see that it was posted almost a month ago. I think about you every once in awhile and wonder how you're doing. Of course my life is so much different since we first "met" and I am so much busier, but I have never forgotten you or how much your friendship has meant to me. Please let us know how you're doing!